good morning and merry christmas family!
well it has been a long and painful 2 years and 2 months! at the beginning of our journey i spent a great deal of time crying and pleading to anyone who would listen about the injustice of my daughter being made to suffer because of my weaknesses. by the second christmas i understood no one was concerned about injustice to a child and just spent most of my time praying. since i was done getting her on lists for free coats or toys which i would have no way to pack around without a car anyway, and i could not face one more charity christmas party with disgusting food and dumb decorations i just cried to my Lord "i am sorry i can not celebrate your pretend birthday this year!" after hours of me going on and on, i heard his voice in my head say "well why would you want to?!" then i stopped and wondered "why would i want to?" and it took me a while to finally respond "because i am trying to celebrate you my Lord and King! that would be the idea! how am i to do that? since we are here without you? how am i supposed to praise and honor you?"
then came to words that changed my life forever "JUST LOVE FOR ME! every person you meet, every room you walk into, just pretend i am the King and it is my party and i can not be there and just LOVE everyone for me! love each one for me as i would love them if i were there!"
that was when i started to watch the world thru Star's eyes. i have watched her face as people judged me and hated me and cast us out in order to continue to serve their own greedy gluttonous purposes. and i began to see the world they way he must see it...
and then one day someone pointed out to me "Jesus was homeless by the way!" he never had a place to rest his head other than when he was accepted and invited in as a guest and i realized he is watching, like an intergalactic viewmaster watching thru Star's eyes. i have seen what he sees and began to understand what he meant when he said "least ye become as a little child"
Star loves everyone! as soon as she meets them she loves... until they condemn themselves with their own words against me. because you see i was forced to become as a little child. in '84 when i left high school i accidentally drove myself off a 40 foot cliff and received a head injury that would change my brain function forever. anyone who ever sat next to me in school knows i was not trying at all to begin with. no one knew then but now it it called dyslexia and now i can understand why i grew up across the street from the library and never read a book cover to cover until i was much older and medicated in some way. because all the letters and numbers on the page are constantly jumping around upside down and backward. but after my head injury nothing in my brain has worked at all and to be honest at this point i am a scientific experiment unto myself. i have had more cat scans, eegs, mris and sleep deprivation studies than any one person could ever need! i have been diagnosed with epilepsy, aura migraine/seizures, bi-polar disorder, adult adhd, severe ptsd and the list goes on! it makes my head hurt to even try to list them off! i diagnosed myself with tourettes because it is so frustration being me sometimes i just say every swear word i know in the same sentence and then sit down and cry!
but my Star Blessing has been with me every step of the way except for 3 months this year when she went up to visit her sister in Saint George Utah. where she was not invited by the way, i had to call crying in desperation and beg for her to be accepted for a visit, which resulted in treatment so rude and situations that she was force to listen to me badmouthed and judged in hatred... whatever! at this point it will be enuf to say the proof is in the fact that she chooses to live with me homeless and cast out instead of having anything to do with the greed and gluttonous behavior of hypocrites again! it is making me sick to talk about it! i must stop now...
please understand i do not attempt to defend myself now, i have no defense, i am never defended, i am only attacked by everyone. i am simply stating the truth. and the truth is no one has the right to judge me, no one has the right to take my children from me and teach them to judge and hate me for things no one can begin understand unless they themselves have spent a lifetime homeless and judged unjustly! a lifetime of loving the ones who did not love them, serving the ones who did not serve them, talking to the ones who were not listening to them and crying a praying for forgiveness for the ones who actually deserve to suffer the results of their own hateful behavior.
only Jesus Christ himself is inside my head! only my King has been with me every step of my way! and when i call out to my "family" i do not mean the ones who have hated me and used their words against me and taken from me and raised themselves above me! i mean the Family of Light! because you see all light is the Light of Christ and all things in existence are given life thru his Light! so in this truth i have been blessed to come to the understanding that every person on this planet is my family! every dog is my family, every bird is my family, every tree and flower and every single living thing is my family! we are all made of the same stuff and held in being by His Light!
now please listen and believe me when i say Jesus Christ was not he only one who came here with a plan! he came here as part of a family and we all had our own plan, which was carefully planned out and agreed upon with our Father in Heaven (called our "spiritual contract") each of us were then pre-programmed like little apple computers fresh out of the apple store. the only difference was He was the only one with the plan to do it right! so He came here and did all the right things and everyone here did all the wrong things and He was put to death, overcame and conquered death, tried to give us the heads up on the power of love and shot off into outer space!
so now whoever you are and whatever you are doing, the fact that you are still here stuck in your body is proof of the fact that you are doing it wrong! but it is alright because it was your plan to do it wrong and Jesus taught us all is to be forgiven! we are so blessed we do not have to "pay for our mistakes" our King paid! and it is not about this law and that law and who wears what clothes and lives in this way or prays in that way! all those things are silly and you are wasting you time focusing on them!
LOVE is the key! love is the trick! love is magic and mystical and the thing that heals and grows all things! our King is the great and powerful magician who tried to show us how to use our powers for good! "love love love love love! love God! love one another! love your neighbor! love your enemy! love is the thing!" then the haters said "bang bang your dead! you gotta go!" but then he was back! and said "oh no! I DO WHAT I WANT! and i love you and i love you and you and you! i go where i want and love who i want whenever i want!"
now the trick is for us to do it like He did! to follow in "the way" he showed us!
i realize i am making it sound simple and it is if you "become as a little child" the grown up words are surrender and accept! and what that means is STOP TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT! STOP TRYING TO MAKE A PLAN OR MOVE FORWARD ON YOUR OWN AGENDA!" what they say in recovery is "let go and let God!"
what i am trying to say is it is time to "go to Divine Will" remember the prayer our Lord prayed for us? "thy kingdom come thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" now the truth is we only have so much room in our brains with the limited functionality we have going! so the thing to do is let go of your own plan and make room for Christ's plan!
so to be on His Team and be a functioning part of the Family of Light you have 2 and only 2 things to say "help me please! or what can i do to help?!"
in july i posted a few videos on my fb an outline for a family funded program and i tried to explain the function of the pink umbrella. i have spent many years putting together these four blogs by myself. i have seen a great vision of how we are to pull together as a family and save ourselves with the power of love! i know alot of you are waiting for someone to come save you and many of you are waiting for someone else to come and save the ones in need which are being ignored and being called homeless. i stated my intent in july to re tell the whole story. they lied about our King! they hacked apart his whole story and turned it against us. He is expecting us to do miracles! "what i have done you can do also!" and still we wait?! for what? today is our day! i am without a computer to work at and star and i will be locked out of this shelter in the cold in about 15 mins. yes sharon, i will try to stay in contact on fb. i know you love me and i love each and every one of you! focus pls! i will make other posts on all four blogs today and our really big family of light is going to come together and show our King how we love each other and are ready for love to rule!